I Love Him

I'm broken. I swear i'm broken. Not knowing what else to do except living through the pain.

I need God more than ever. I know that if i lost Him even for a sec i'll fall. And it's going to be a lot painful.

The problem is.

I love him. I love him so much that it didn't feel hurt. I love him enough to accepted him the way he is and never demanded otherwise. I love him enough to waited upon him. I love him enough to understood, even though maybe i wasn't, but i trusted my self to understand him, every struggles and problems he had. I love him not just when he was in a good mood, but when he was down, and didn't want to talk, i stayed still. I love him enough that my heart pushed away all boundaries and just be really okay with his behaviours. I love him enough to love him more everyday without even saw him everyday. I love him enough to stood for him in front of everyone, stood for his undeniably insensitive self, ignoring every possibilities that he might not love me back. I love him so much that i actually believed he loves me back.

There's no forcing in sincere loving. I'm not gonna force him to listen. I'm not gonna force him to care. I'm not gonna force him to think. I'm not gonna force him to make time. I'm not gonna force him to stay. And i'm not gonna waste my time forcing him to love me back. 

I can't barely cry. I can't barely hate. I can't even think of anything besides praying for him. And there you go. Every single night i pray for him, and not one night missed.

For all i know...

Time heals...

And God exist.